Liar

I have been stuck in a puzzle for the past 5–6 years or maybe more. I don’t clearly remember how did it happen or when did it happen but I lost the person I wanted to be. I lost all my ambitions, confidence everything that makes up for a successful person. I lost my process of gaining knowledge, of understanding basic things. I stopped. I stopped being human. I became a hollow person. A person filled with anxiety, fear, confusion, and every negative word that makes a person visit a therapist. I never understood why have I become a person who is so in contradiction with themselves, a person who would rather sit at the home cry, and loathe the life they have created rather than changing their ways and believing in themselves. I find no meaning in life because everything feels meaningless. I like this never-ending void of sadness but I do love the happiness that is my goal in life: To Be Happy. I always thought that life would be much more than I imagine it to be. I still don’t get it, I still don’t believe in it. It feels like a never-ending scam. A scam to make us believe that everything will be fine one day but will it especially now with everything going haywire. We are told to build a life for ourselves by building our careers and studying getting married but nobody tells you how difficult it can be and how sometimes things won’t go the way you want them to. We are never told about the difficulties and how on days you won’t feel like getting out of bed and how even if you fail sometimes it’s okay, it’s okay to have tried and not be successful, it okay to have a life with small dreams, it’s okay to not be loved. The never-ending dialogues on how they made it but never how they wanted to scream and cry and shout to this unrealistic imaginative world that you are a fucking liar. But I guess these are struggles of a privileged person, I feel the more privileged you are the more issues you have, maybe I am wrong maybe I don’t know the other side but I am trying.